Club Girl Part 2

Viking says:
also, for the record; I didn't say it'd be 'unfair' of me to vote - I simply said that you doing what you were doing defeats the point of voting entirely.
Viking says:
so fuck you, nigger.

I retract my previous statement about Viking not being a shit.

Club Girl

Viking said:
merry christmas.
Joanna Folds said:
Hmph.
Viking said:
what?
Joanna Folds said:
www.blogspot.com/betweenbedandwall
Viking said:
you fail hard
Joanna Folds said:
You fail much MUCH harder.
Viking says:
I did vote, you fucking idiot.
Joanna Folds says:
You're making it worse for yourself, not better.
Viking says:
okay, fine. but for the record, I did actually vote, and will do so again now because I'm here.

I retract my previous statement about VIking being a shit. He's actually a pretty cool guy.

COOLER THAN YOU BASTARDS ANYWAY!

Because Josh wants a post called 'Because Josh was complaining'

So. Now I see where my true friends lie. To everyone who voted for Cashier Girl, here's a big FUCK YOU.

A list of people who aren't getting ANY CHRISTMAS PRESENTS THIS YEAR:
Daniel Swanton
Kirsty Judge
Richard Sandford
Rian Bjork
Josh Lucas
John Doyle
VIKING
VIKING
VIKINGSHITFACE
VIKINGSHITFACE
VIKINGSHITFACE

Thanks a lot to the aforementioned JERK FACE (Viking, in case you were wondering), he decided on Club Girl and then REFUSED TO VOTE, claiming it would be UNFAIR if he did. So FUCK YOU WANKNOSESHITBRAINPENISFACE!

*Tidies self*

Right. Talking about Christmas brings me to what I've been doing today: wrapping presents. I now have a big pile of presents for various family members and absolutely no wrapping paper. Which means everyone else's presents are going to have to be wrapped in toilet paper. Or something equally inadequate. Sorry, y'all. Ummm... I know I had something interesting to say, but now it's all gone D:

Ooh! Today I found Top Trumps (this isn't what I was going to say, but it'll do) with super heroes, yeahhhhhh! Um... so that's fun... I also spent the entire day playing The Secret of Monkey Island. It didn't have a save section, so I had to finish it too. It's fun, you should play it. I still prefer The Curse of Monkey Island though.

I've been painting my nails... they're red now...Uh... *rapidly running out of things to say*

Well, more tomorrow... goodnight!

Because Kirsty is complaining.

Okay, here's a much longer post because Kirsty feels like I've let her down.

Recently I've been spending a lot of time on YouTube. This is probably due to my considerable lack of things to do. Today, Robert linked me to the single greatest thing I have ever seen. It's a song by Saturday Night Live's The Lonely Island group and it's called 'Jizz in my Pants'. You've just gotta watch it, it's amazing, the tune is stupidly catchy and the women are HAWT. Justin Timberlake features as a rather sexy janitor who's pissed at having to clean up jizz off the floor.

Observe:



The lyrics are as follows:

Lock eyes from across the room
down my drink while the rhythms boom
take your hand and skip the names
no need here for the silly games
make our way through the smoke and crowd
the club is the sky and I'm on your cloud
move in close as the lasers fly
our bodies touch and the angels cry
leave this place go back to yours
our lips first touch outside your doors
a whole night what we've got in store
whisper in my ear that you want some more
and I

JIZZ IN MY PANTS
This really never happens you can take my word
I won't apologize, that's just absurd
Mainly your fault from the way that you dance
and now I
JIZZ IN MY PANTS
don't tell your friends or I'll say your a slut
plus its your fault, you were rubbing my butt
I'm very sensitive, some would say that's a plus

Now I'll go home and change

I need a few things from the grocery
do things alone now mostly
left me heart broken not lookin' for love
surprised in my eyes when I looked above
the check out counter and I saw a face
My heart stood still so did time and space
Never felt that I could feel real again
But the look in her eyes said I need a friend
She turned to me that's when she said it
Looked me dead in the face, asked "Cash or Credit?"
And I

JIZZED IN MY PANTS
It's perfectly normal, nothing wrong with me
But we're going to need a clean up on aisle 3
And now I'm posed in an awkward stance because I
JIZZED IN MY PANTS
To be fair you were flirting a lot
plus the way you bag cans got me bothered and hot
please stop acting like you're not impressed
One more thing, I'm gonna play by check

Last week - I saw a film
As I recall it was a horror film
Walked outside into the rain
Checked my phone and saw you rang and I
JIZZED IN MY PANTS

Speeding down the street when the red lights flash
need to get away need to make a dash
A song comes on that reminds me of you and I
JIZZ IN MY PANTS

The next day my alarm goes off and I
JIZZ IN MY PANTS

Open my window and a breeze rolls in and I
JIZZ IN MY PANTS

When Bruce Willis was dead at the end of sixth sense I
JIZZED IN MY PANTS

I just ate a grape and I
JIZZED...IN...MY PANTS
JIZZED...IN...MY PANTS

Ok seriously you guys can we...ok...

I JIZZ RIGHT IN MY PANTS EVERY TIME YOU'RE NEXT TO ME
AND WHEN WE'RE HOLDING HANDS ITS LIKE HAVING SEX TO ME
YOU SAY IM PREMATURE I JUST CALL IT ECSTASY
I WEAR A RUBBER AT ALL TIMES ITS A NECESSITY

Cuz I
JIZZ...IN...MY PANTS
(I jizz in my pants, I jizz in my pants, yes I jizz in my pants, yes I jizz in my pants)
yes I JIZZ...IN...MY PANTS
(I jizz in my pants (AKIVA!), I jizz in my pants)


See? My favourite line is:
"Last week, I saw a film,
as I recall it was a horror film"
and I have absolutely no idea why D:

Anyway, now I need to know something. Who is hotter: Club Girl or Cashier Girl (Jamie-Lynn Sigler)? I think Club Girl, but most of my male friends seem to think Cashier Girl :( I'm going to put up a voting poll so you can let me know.

I also really like the whole 'getting at the British' thing going on in this, too. They do a good job of mocking our current pop culture. It's great. :D


I've also been playing a lot of 'Zelda: Twilight Princess' on Gamecube, courtesy of Rian. I'm at some sandy temple at the moment and I've been collecting bugs and poes. I need 3 more poes before I can free this gold guy with a frozen cat on his head and about 12 more bugs before I can get the Giant's wallet from the Bug Princess.

These are the bugs I still need:
Mantis (Male)
Found: Hyrule Field (Lanayru Province)
How to Collect: Check the pillars at the north end of the bridge above
Lake Hylia. The bug tends to fly in and out of the
pillars, so if you don't see it at first, wait a moment.

Mantis (Female)
Found: Hyrule Field (Lanayru Province)
How to Collect: Head south from the bridge above Lake Hylia. You will see
a rocky overpass as you ride along. Check the southern
wall near that overhang and you should see the bug. Since
it is high up, you will have to use the Gale Boomerang or
Clawshot to lure it closer.

Phasmid (Male)
Found: Hyrule Field (Eldin Province)
How to Collect: At the south end of the Bridge of Eldin (it's the long
bridge at the northwest portion of the field north of
Kakariko Village), look on the left pillar. Use the Gale
Boomerang or Clawshot to pull it closer so you can
collect it.

Phasmid (Female)
Found: Hyrule Field (Eldin Province)
How to Collect: Get to the north end of the Bridge of Eldin, and use the
Clawshot to get onto the high cliff to the north of the
bridge. Walk a little bit to the west and look up on the
wall to find this bug; use the Gale Boomerang or the
Clawshot to grab it.

Dayfly (Male)
Found: Gerudo Desert
How to Collect: In the south central area of the desert, you will find
this bug flying around. If it helps, the bug is to the
south of some wooden gates you can charge through with a
boar.

Dayfly (Female)
Found: Gerudo Desert
How to Collect: In the southeast area of the desert, you will find a
chest atop a pillar, as well as a statue. To the north of
that are trenches in the sand. In the second trench to
the north of this chest, you will find this insect.

Stag Beetle (Male)
Found: Hyrule Field (Lanayru Province)
How to Collect: At the north end of Hyrule Field, head east from the
river that flows down from Zora's Domain. You should find
a lone tree to the east with this beetle near it.

Stag Beetle (Female)
Found: Hyrule Field (Lanayru Province)
How to Collect: At the north end of the field, head to the northwest area
from the river flowing down from Zora's Domain. There
will be a path leading toward the mountains. At the path
split (north will lead to Zora's Domain), go right. Look
above the boulder in the wall and you will see this bug
hanging there; use the Gale Boomerang or the Clawshot to
retrieve it.

Grasshopper (Male)
Found: Hyrule Field (Eldin Province)
How to Collect: In the large field north of Kakariko Village, look for
this bug in the south central area. On the map, it is
just to the east of a vertical wall in that area.


Beetle (Female)
Found: Hyrule Field (Faron Province)
How to Collect: Along the western portion of the field is a high ledge
you cannot reach. On the side of one of the trees there,
you will see this bug. Use the Gale Boomerang or Clawshot
to pull it closer so you can catch it.

Pill Bug (Female)
Found: Hyrule Field (Eldin Province)
How to Collect: In the area south of Kakariko Village, check the flowers
to the south of the village entrance to find this bug.


Snail (Female)
Found: Temple of Time
How to Collect: Go through the doors which lead to the Temple of Time.
Inside, go down the stairs and head to the left side of
the steps. You will see this snail on the wall; use the
Gale Boomerang or Clawshot to obtain it. Please note that
you can only access this area of the grove when you
return later in the game.

I'm going to try and find them now. Goodnight!

Stuff and Dan

Things I need to do:
- Psychology coursework - due tomorrow
- Clusterfuck script: read and write four scenes - due ASAP
- Scenes with Dan with brown hair - due Saturday
- Hair dying scenes - due Saturday
- Watch the final Matrix film
- Finish Twilight Princess
- UCAS stuff - due ASAP


Also, Dan has blue hair now.


Isn't he just the sexiest man you've ever seen in your whole entire life?? :D

The list

Things I need to do:
- Psychology coursework - due tomorrow
- Clusterfuck script: read and write four scenes - due ASAP
- Scenes with Dan with brown hair - due Saturday
- Hair dying scenes - due Saturday
- Watch the final Matrix film
- Finish Twilight Princess
- UCAS stuff - due ASAP

Procrastination?

I figure that if I procrastinate now, I'll have nothing left to procrastinate with later. See, clever, huh?

Things I need to do:
- Psychology coursework - due tomorrow
need to research and type up
- Clusterfuck script: read and write four scenes - due ASAP
- Scenes with Dan with brown hair - due Saturday
- Hair dying scenes - due Saturday
- Watch the final Matrix film
- Finish Twilight Princess
- UCAS stuff - due ASAP

300 Days

300 Days of Pictures is officially back on track, guize! So go check out the crappy pictures!

It's late and I'm ill and tired and hungry. I've got to tidy my room still but I'm seeing Dan tomorrow. It's allllll gooooooooood in tha hooooooooooood.

Other things I need to do:
Psychology coursework - due Friday
Clusterfuck script: read and write four scenes - due ASAP
Scenes with Dan with brown hair - due Saturday
Hair dying scenes - due Saturday
Watch the final Matrix film
Finish Twilight Princess
UCAS stuff - due ASAP

I also need to bring in props etc for tomorrows photoshoot. This IS awkward. Bah, I shall find something movie-ish.

Au revoir.

Back again

Left rightttttt
Leeeeeeeftttt righttttt

But the real question is: What will you do when the curtain falls?

Anyway, my PC is finally up and running again, muchos thanks to my father. This of course means the return of Satori and thus 300 Days! So all two of you (Hi Dan and Josh!) can get all excited by that.

YEAH!

This drink is incredible. It was invented by Josh Jones, Ollie and Helen and the two ingredients are: Relentless (whole can of)
Mega Rainbow Dust (10 straws of)
That is all. I drank some and didn't sleep. It was the best time :D



Alice threw a party. This is Lizzy Q. As you can see, her philosophy classes have gone too far.


This was my costume.



Yesterday, my favourite boyfriend took me to the best shop in the universe (Okay, England).

I bought lots of things, spending most of the past weeks earnings,

OBSERVE



Yeah, Froot Loops, chocolate and white chocolate fudge covered pretzels and LUCKY CHARMS!!

I've been looking for those darn pretzels since they stopped selling them in England (I hate living here D:). I also bought some Oreo Pop Tarts, but they've mysteriously disappeared... The selection was amazing though. They must have had over thirty different types XD

A couple of weeks ago, me and Rian went to paint Alice's bedroom a lovely shade of white. Rian was incapable of contributing anything but his name.



Look at how happy he is :3

In further news, my cat died.




This isn't him dead, though I've been told that he pretty much looks the same. Right now he's in our freezer. No joke.

Over and out.

La la laaa

I'm waiting for my Dad. Meanwhile, old friends disappoint me. New friends lie. Newer friends are always nice because they don't know you yet.

There is someone in my life right now that I don't want in my life. I feel harsh, but... Well, they annoy me. Or maybe they intimidate me? I wish I liked my friends better. My oldest friends are still cool, mind. But they are so cash. :( Why can't all my friends be so cash?

I miss Kirsty, she's standard and she doesn't mind if I just want to sit in silence.

What am I going to do without her?

Everything is OVER

Today I finally finished my personal statement and all the crazy shit that goes with it (qualifications, previous schools, university choices etc). It actually took more work cutting it down the the meager 500 words than writing the darn thing D: Trouble is (haha) that I do so much relevant outside-of-college-activities, my personal statement took about 3 hours to write after just listing EVERYTHING I do. Last year a year 13 showed me their personal statement. It briefly mention things like YouTube videos and was written pretty darn poorly. This guy had almost NOTHING he could talk about. So from that moment I swore to make a portfolio which could stun anyone. I wanted people to not understand how I get so much done. And I managed it. Ohhhhh yes. After many sleepless nights, I have an impressive array of videos, blogs, short stories, drawings, songs and even paid stuff for the college.

Anyway, because all that is done, I can finally relax and play Zelda, watch films and finish this present for Robert. I accidentally gave it away today but maybe he didn't notice...? (Fat chance.)

Recently I've been spending a lot of time on Owen's blog. It's amazing. I'm hoping to look through the earlier stuff tonight but meanwhile I shall leave you with my favourite quote, from his poem 'Lazarus':
'My eyes invaded, killed off by the strobes
Your irises are blue and emerald globes.'

Freaks

So I've just finished watching my birthday present, 'Freaks'. Oh. My. JesuseffingmotherofGoddoinglolrandomthingslikemakingdifficultdecisionsbetweenlettuceandshoe...

These guys are AMAZING.
Now, I'd have loved to have taken some screen shots but I don't yet know how to do that, so Google will have to do.

First, meet 'The Children'



That's right; they are all tiny balding half men-women with ponytails in dresses. I have to admit, I want one. Christmas coming up soon - who's gonna get me one? :D

Then there was the INSANELY CREEPY GUY WHO HAS NO ARMS OR LEGS WHO WRITHES ON THE FLOOR LIKE A SNAKE IN A TIGHT SACK. At times you can see his penis. Mm.

This is he, rolling a cigarette - I kid you not.



There's a brilliant bit in it where a whole load of them are aggressively standing around this woman who's poisoning her dwarf husband because he has a very large inheritance. He's all, "show me the bottle" but she doesn't want to so his friends all bring out increasingly large weapons and begin to polish them insinuatingly.
[First guy - a dwarf with a large face - removes a knife.]
*polishes it.*
[Second guy - a man with no legs - removes a gun.]
*polishes it.*
[Third guy - a man with super thin arms, playing a pipe - removes the Hadron Collider.]
*polishes it.*

Then they all writhe like an army of worms through the rain and the mud to go and kill this woman and turn her into a chicken.

The really scary thing is that most of them don't have any legs, so they really do writhe.

Factsforyew

Some facts:

These noodles are tasty.

Jess Weixler from Teeth is hot.



I hate Photoshop



Pissing on people is cool




Ben Folds + Regina Spektor = AMAZING
I have to see that shit live.

Oh, one more fact.

Ben Folds is Dan's Dad


Scary as Hell, no?

Okay, so I faltered...

But at least I left it until AFTER I'd finished writing my media coursework.

Yes, that's right; I've turned into exactly what I hate - a blogger. Now, I know I've always had blogs to do with things like art and writing, but these were always more like archives; somewhere where I could keep and catalogue my work. Finally, I've submitted into the form of 'personal blogging'; a disgusting term, if I may say so. It's like a diary that anyone could read. Yuck.

So, you ask, why on Earth would you create such a thing if you hate it so?

My answer?

I have no bloody clue.

Maybe it's because it's 4:15am and I've sworn to my "Blood Brethren" that I would not retire to bed until we had all completed our 3,000 word essays. Having said that, Kirsty's the only one who's stuck to it, which I should have guessed would happen. Anyway, I'm not about to go back on my word (and my stupid idea) and so I shall remain awake until her essay is as done as mine. After all, without her, mine would be in a rather more primitive stage, shall we say...

Over and out, and welcome.